An old dream. A true dream...

One day, six years ago I had a dream. It was a tough time in my life. Everything seemed to be meaningless. In my dream I was in a mansion. Outside I heard the sound of thunder and rain. You know the sound. The steady pounding of raindrops against the window; the sudden bursts of thunder, preceded just barely by the flashing of light in windows. Evoking both a feel of contentment and expectation and even comfort in the monotony, the white noise drowning everything out, with the occasional explosions of sound and light to tell you how you can never get complacent. Even though it seemed a mansion replete with rooms, I only remember one room for all of them. Maybe it was the idea of 'rooms' standing for all of them. Maybe it was that weird way dreams had. The rooms were dark, except for the ambient light around the windows, especially when lightning flashed. I was searching. I don't know what for. I was lost. My very self seemed on hold until I had found whatever it was that I had been seeking. Or maybe I just didn't feel anything until I found it. And then, after an eternity, I came to a room- it looked like all the others- and there was a child, a young boy, around the age of 6, the age of Connor, sitting in the middle of the floor. I looked at him. I don't remember what he looked like. But even though it was just a child, in my dream, it was Jehovah. I had found him. He looked at me. He looked at me. He just looked at me with a look that I couldn't fathom. I don't know what it was, but it was beyond me. I came over to him and I just put my head in his lap and cried and cried. I cried for myself. I cried for my past. I cried for my loss, for my pain. I cried because it was all I could do but pour out everything that had died in my heart. He said nothing and all I could say is "Why?....Why am I here?" Over and over again I said it. In answer, he stroked my hair and let me lay there crying. I think I felt known. I awoke with tears on my cheeks.

It was the truest dream I have ever had. I still remember it. I don't know what it means, except that I am glad I had it. The mind is a funny thing.

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